I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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