...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
