All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
