I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize