Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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