Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
