i just wanna soil my oats bro
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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