I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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