I want to have your abortion
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
