I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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