i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
