It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
