Betty ford says i'm here all night
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
