Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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