I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
