does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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