but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
