Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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