I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You can't motorboat a personality
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Mom said you looked used
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
