dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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