officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize