We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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