I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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