I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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