God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
