We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize