the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
