We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have tasted many bathrooms
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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