He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
