Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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