I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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