Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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