About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
