It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize