I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
