I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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