i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
