So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
