i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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