i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
