i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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