Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
