Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The power of my boobs compel you
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
