grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
