Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
