I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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