I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
