operation harelip BJ is a go
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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