There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
