I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
