i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
