Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
