whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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