Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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