Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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