we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
