i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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