is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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