You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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