Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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