do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
