this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
