I think I died a long time ago.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
